These days, the War for Talent is real and it is as intense as it’s ever been. If you aren’t familiar with the term, a simple google search will render over 300 million results. In short, leaders are nothing without their teams. The effort that leaders put toward recruiting, hiring, retaining, and developing talented team members is on a war-like scale.

I’m not going to write an article about how to win the War for Talent. Many others already have. I’m going to share some strategies on how to minimize the collateral damage in the war, and most importantly, how to deal with friendly fire.

The enemy

Who exactly is the enemy? With whom are we waging this War for Talent? Usually, other tech leaders just like us. Like us, they value brilliant, motivated, team-oriented talent. It is the scarcity of that resource that makes it a war. If there was enough talent to go around, there wouldn’t be a war. Therefore, our enemy is driven by the same motivations and values that we are. We might as well be looking in the mirror. This isn’t a fight between good and evil but is rather a spirited competition among colleagues.

What it’s like to win

Some people don’t know this about me, but I’m very competitive. I love to win. I’ve worked hard on my skills as a leader and I play the talent war with the full intention to win. I’ve successfully built teams at several different enterprise organizations. Winning feels good.

What it’s like to lose

Even though I win a lot, I lose too. While I don’t have a lot of this, I do experience regrettable turnover. I do occasionally make offers that aren’t accepted. When this happens, I grieve deeply. I’m introspective about what I could have done differently. Then, I move on. I lost the battle, but the war goes on.

This is all acceptable when I’m battling against a faceless, nameless tech leader across town. It’s another matter entirely when this other tech leader is your friend.

The War for Talent just got personal

This has happened to me and I must admit, I’ve done it to others. I’ll never forget the first time this happened to me in a big way.

My boss and mentor left the company. While that was hard, it created an opportunity for me. I eventually filled his shoes and got my first middle-management leadership role. Being new in the role, I was a little insecure about my leadership abilities. I counted on one of my star team members for a lot.

That’s when my former boss lured away this top team member to join his new company. Looking back, I can admit now that I threw a bit of a tantrum. I felt betrayed as if my former boss was cutting my legs out from under me.

The truth is, he was just trying to build a world-class team at his new company, and he had more to offer my star team member than I did. Long story short, everything was okay in the end, and our friendship survived the battle.

This same dynamic can play out even closer to home within the department of your company. Top talent will naturally move around in the organization, but it doesn’t always feel good.

As a leader, if you went through the effort to recruit, hire, and develop great team members, naturally, you want to keep them on your team for as long as possible. When your peers recruit them out from under you, it can feel like friendly fire. After all, they didn’t make the same investment that you made, and now they are looking to reap the benefits for themselves.

This makes you feel like an inadequate leader. What do my peers have to offer that I don’t? I thought I had a great rapport with this team member. Should I second-guess that now?

I’m writing all of this down to validate the feelings. This is real and it’s hard. However, there is a solution, and it’s all in the mindset.

People first

The solution is simple, but not easy. As leaders, we need to continually cultivate a people-first mindset. People, and their career aspirations, are far more important than my ambitions, my competitive drive, and my self-image as a leader. People are more important than the team and the company.

Early in my career, I had a leader pass along a job referral outside the company that he thought I’d be great for. He knew I was ready for something new. Due to conditions beyond his control, he didn’t have anything good to offer me internally. He put my interests above his own and above the company. I never forgot that.

We must learn to hold loosely to top talent. While people have a lot they can learn under my leadership, I never want to be someone’s ceiling. Hoarding talent won’t win the war. Instead, always put people first. While the makeup of your team will constantly flux, you will earn a reputation as a people-first leader and the top talent will come looking for you.

As top talent moves around the marketplace, they remember the leaders that helped them out along the way. Your reputation as a leader will move with them.

In conclusion, there is no such thing as friendly fire in the War for Talent. It only exists in our minds. Give other leaders the benefit of the doubt. Usually, they are just trying to do the best they can, and they aren’t out to get you. When your top talent moves on from your leadership umbrella, be grateful for the time you had together. Wish them well and continue the informal mentorship.

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