We did it. We dropped my oldest son, Caleb, off at college last weekend. This was a first for our family. Many friends and colleagues have gone before us. It’s a significant experience and something I wanted to write about. I had to think long and hard about what unique thought I could offer you, and of course, what leadership lesson could apply to many, regardless of their stage of life.

One unique aspect of this experience, is that my son, Caleb, chose to attend the same college that my wife and I attended: Crown College, in St. Bonifacius, MN. It’s a small, but very good college.

I realized that the significance of this event now is connected to the significance of my experience back then.

I did the math. It was 28 years ago that I traveled all the way from Lancaster, PA to St. Bonifacius, MN. I had never been further west than West Virginia before that trip. I showed up on campus, sight unseen, ready as ever for my next chapter of life.

My time at Crown was formative to say the least. So much of my life, the way it is now, traces back to my few years there.

1. I solidified my faith. Crown College is “Boldy Christian.” I learned the Bible and built an unshakable foundation for my faith among a community of committed Christ followers. The storms of life have come and gone, but my foundation built there has stood the test of time.
2. I met my wife, Wendy, there. We celebrated 25 years of happy marriage this month.
3. I chose my career at Crown. Originally, I pursued a Youth Ministry major, but while I was there, I switched to Computer Networking. I started my first full time IT job while I was still a student living in the dorms at Crown.
4. I became a Minnesotan. Originally from Lancaster, PA, I wasn’t sure where I’d end up after school. But with my career underway in the Twin Cities, and newly married to a Minnesota-native, the die was cast, and this was my new home.

So, showing up on campus to drop off my son was a double-whammy of parental emotions and coming-of-age nostalgia. I managed to keep it together.

The Leadership Lessons:

Time flies. Make the most of it.

I couldn’t escape this thought: I was JUST HERE. That was me. I was the kid getting dropped off, full of excitement and endless possibilities. And THAT was a whole lot more fun than THIS is, by the way.

I remember bringing my son home from the hospital, like it was yesterday. Shortly after that, I was juggling a household full of little kids, most of whom were in diapers. And now all of a sudden, they are leaving. How could this be?

When I was young, everyone older than me told me that it would go fast. They were right and they weren’t exaggerating at all.

What’s the leadership lesson? Make the most of it. Don’t waste a single day. Looking back, I think I did pretty good in that department. I don’t have many regrets. Work life balance can feel like you’re always disappointing someone. I’ve always used all of my PTO for my family. I always lived with the tension and did my best.

Loosen the grip (a little)

I love my kids and I want to hold onto them tight. The Bible has something to say about this.

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.

Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.” -Psalm 127:3-5a

Arrows, of course, are meant to be shot. My job, as the warrior, is to nock the arrow, draw, aim at the right target, exhale, and release.

This leadership lesson transcends parenthood. As leaders at work, we have people that are put under our care and direction. Our task is to develop them. For a time, they are fully dependent on us for guidance and wisdom. Over time, they grow and act more independently. Finally, as organizations change, people come and go under our direct leadership scope. As they go, the experiences shared, and the lessons learned keep them flying as straight as arrows. Reporting relationships can change, but impact is forever.

Making leadership decisions

Kids face a lot of pressure coming out of high school. What are you going to do? Are you going to school? If so, where? It’s a lot of responsibility to saddle on a teenager.

Kids can’t possibly know enough about themselves or the world to make a perfect decision. But yet, the clock ticks and decisions need to be made.

Leadership remains a lot like this. As leaders at work, we often need to make decisions with less information than we’d prefer. We’d usually like more time to make decisions as well, but time often runs short.

Like a teenager/young adult, the choices we make matter and have long term consequences. We pray, do the best we can, and move forward. There is no other way to lead. We need to have grace for ourselves and grace for each other. The one thing we cannot do is stand still.

For my fellow parents dropping their kids off at college, I’m with you. For all of you who warned me ahead of time that it would go fast and be tough, you were right. For everyone trying to do a little better job leading each and every day, I hope this lesson gives you some inspiration today.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download