We’ve all been there. You are in a social situation. You meet someone new. This person thinks highly of themself. This person wants you to think highly of them too, so they casually mention their association with someone of high social status. This is the classic name-drop. It’s used so that I can be impressed with the name-dropper, because the name-dropper is associated with someone that I am already impressed with. It’s superficial, egotistical, and downright annoying.

It’s one thing if this is your crazy uncle on a holiday, a new friend at a social event, or even a colleague at a professional conference. It’s another thing if this going on during the course of normal business at the office.

Name dropping at work

Allow me to recast how name-dropping happens at work. You are in a contentious meeting with one of your colleagues, Arvind. You express your point-of-view. Arvind expresses his contrary point of view. You make a counter-point. Arvind abandons the logical discourse and opts for the name-drop. Arvind bolsters his argument by stating that he had a conversation with your mutual boss, Jasmine. He insists that Jasmine not only agrees with him, but it was her idea.

You just got name-dropped. What do you do next? Here are a few choices:

1. You can fold. Perhaps Arvind has a better relationship with Jasmine than you do. Perhaps his argument seems plausible.
2. You can escalate. Take Arvind, march into Jasmine’s office, and ask her to settle it. You may be tempted to do this if you think Arvind’s claim is false or exaggerated. How does this make you look to Jasmine? Whether Arvind is right or wrong, you end up looking like you couldn’t figure this out without escalation, which isn’t a good thing.
3. You can triangulate. You can go to Jasmine privately, discuss the situation, and see for yourself. You might even convince her along your way of thinking without disparaging Arvind. But what do you do after that? Should you go to Arvind and say, “Jasmine agrees with me”? In the end, you are just name-dropping on a name-dropper. It won’t likely resolve the issue or improve your relationship with Arvind.

These are all bad options, however you feel like the victim here, so you think these actions are warranted.

There is a better way

1. Name-dropping implies personality-driven authority. There is no right and wrong, just who has the authority to do what. Might makes right. To defeat that, you need to alter the source of authority.
2. Appeal to a higher authority. I don’t mean escalate to Jasmine’s boss. That’s just another authority figure. Pivot the discussion to authoritative concepts instead of names. Refocus the discourse on shared goals, strategies, and principles that both you and Arvind share. Typically, these are published and communicated frequently by the executive team, so they should be readily available.
3. Re-position. Right now, you and Arvind see each other as the enemy. Metaphorically or physically, get on the same side of the table with Arvind, so you are both side-by-side, looking at the problem as the enemy, and wield the organizations goals, strategies, and principles to align your thinking.
4. Collaborate. Once you are positioned correctly, this is when you give a little. Abandon some aspects of your position, adopt some aspects of Arvind’s. Work together to come up with something that isn’t a dissatisfying compromise, but better than where either of you started.

You won the battle, but perhaps the not the war. Name-dropping is a nasty habit. It might be a knee-jerk go-to for Arvind for a while.

Do people drop your name?

It’s funny. Now that I am an authority figure at work, I hear my name getting dropped every once in a while, even though I do my best to empower my team and conduct myself as a servant leader. Sometimes when things get back to me, they are distorted or more literal than I intended. I often tell my team, “you can use my name, but make sure you leave it in good condition, so I can continue to use it myself.” In other words, don’t name-drop me.

Dealing with a name-dropper is hard, but you can do your part by not being a name-dropper yourself. You are empowered and powerful enough on your own without having to call upon a big name for attention. I don’t care about the level or title of your position. You can act on your own authority and call upon higher principles, not people, to bolster your position.

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