Think back to when you were a kid. What was the first music album that you purchased? Whatever it was, it probably doesn’t represent your current music taste, as you’ve certainly matured. If you are like me, it was simply a sign of the times. Oh, and what bizarre times they were. My first music purchase was a cassette of Milli Vanilli’s Girl You Know It’s True. Poke fun at me if you want, I can take it.

Just in case you don’t recall, Milli Vanilli rose to quick popularity and won a Grammy for Best New Artist in 1990. A few months later, Rob and Fab were stripped of their Grammy after being exposed as lip-syncing frauds and admitting that they were not the singers on the record.

This story always comes to my mind when I hear the leadership advice, “fake it ’til you make it.” As a new leader, you often lack confidence. Following this advice, you should act confident whether you feel it or not. It might even work, but seriously, as leaders of integrity, do we really think the best thing to do is “fake it?” I think there is a better way.

Blame it on the rain

I’ve been leading informally and formally my whole life. I’ve been in formal management positions at work for about 12 years now. You’d think I’d have this whole leadership confidence thing handled by now, but I don’t. I suppose I could blame it on the rain, but I think there’s something else going on here.

When I enter a new leadership arena, I start off quiet. I’m less likely to speak up and make decisions right away. I learn names, places, history, people, power structures, and angles. I’m slow to form strategies, and fully understand issues. While I’m coming up to speed, I’m conscious of the fact that I probably don’t “look like a leader.” I’ve learned to be okay and secure with that fact. I don’t need to look like a leader to know I am a leader. I don’t need the admiration of others to make me feel like I can do the job. I know I can. I know the confidence will come to me. It always does.

It’s a tragedy for me to see the dream is over

It’s really fascinating to me. One day, I’m at the top of my game, with a great reputation, a list of accomplishments, and more confidence than I deserve. Then, I put myself in a completely different context due to a job change, a promotion, or a re-org, and I’m back to square one. The day before I felt like the king of my kingdom, but now, I cannot find my confidence. I’ve been searching high, high, high. I’ve been searching low, low, low. To make matters worse, now I’m stuttering like a ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba baby.

I’ve learned to anticipate that confidence will come. Before too long, I know enough. I don’t know all there is to know, but enough to start leading effectively from a place of confidence. From there my reputation builds and I start to hit my stride. I think to myself, “Yes, this is what it feels like to be a leader. I knew it would come.”

I often wonder how this looks to people that haven’t known me long. I hear things like, “Zach, you’ve really come out of your shell,” and “Zach, you’ve grown rapidly as a leader.” Those are context-specific observations and don’t accurately reflect my overall career arc. I’m the same person with the same abilities. All that has changed is the context.

Don’t lip-sync your leadership

People in my generation are starving for authentic leaders. This may be a stretch, but perhaps formative events like Milli Vanilli impacted us early on. From that point forward, we became less trusting. We watch and look for lip-syncing frauds. We don’t want to be duped again.

The leadership style I just described isn’t flashy, especially at first. It is real. Resist the urge to fake it ’til you make it. Instead, assure yourself that you know what you are doing, and you have the required skills. Confidence will come. Don’t lip-sync your leadership.

Impostor syndrome

There’s a popular term for this confidence shortfall. Many call it “impostor syndrome.” The solution isn’t to fake it. The real solution is to focus on serving your team. The more you do that, the more trust and credibility you’ll build, and the faster the confidence will come.

On this morning, reflect on your leadership style and how you deal with confidence shortfalls. While you do that, you can also picture me as an 11-year-old rocking out in my bedroom to Milli Vanilli on the boombox. Girl, you know you it’s true that you did it too.